Cyclists that take cycling too seriously

February 19, 2012 at 9:54 pm Leave a comment

In Sydney, if you cycled to work wearing Lycra shorts, you’d find yourself deliberately run over. Hell, you’d likely be run over just for cycling in the first place. Get a V8 you poof.

In Melbourne, cycling in Lycra is not just tolerated, it’s actually considered a healthy mode of transport by normal people.

Each morning, hordes of Cadel-wannabes don their ultra-short-shorts, ultra-skin-tight shirts (many with ‘sponsors’ printed), hop on a thin rubber platform wedged between their butt-cheeks, put on an air-restrictive ‘helmet’ and break into a sweat. Not that I’m implying anything…but…hmmm…

In Sydney, cyclists occupy the bottom rung on the motorist food chain, slightly lower than Asian-drivers. They’re an extreme rarity these days; most have died out due to respiratory problems or have been victims of road rage (I’m talking about cyclists here, not Asian drivers…but…hmmm…no comment).

In Melbourne, if you cross a cyclist, be prepared for a torrent of violent abuse. Although admittedly it’s rather difficult to take abuse seriously from someone dressed head to toe in Lycra wearing a crash-helmet with air-holes.

I have a theory on why cyclists are always so angry. They were the vertically-challenged guys at school. Combine that with extensive social problems resulting from being breast fed until 7. Now they’ve evolved into an angrier beast altogether – homo rageis cycliens. Even though they are still relatively few, their effect on motorists at large is significant. If Winston Churchill were alive today, he’d say “Never in the field of motorist conflict has so much anger been vented upon so many by so few“.

Many cyclists don't even give directions when asked

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Shakespeare translated for bogans 5 acronyms to replace LOL

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